Wisdom Of A Rhinoceros
Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to vote for the Rhino Party. It would have been dangerous, I know, but in the wild fancy of my youth I would have done it anyway. yes, I'm well aware that they had a hidden platform, but I was okay with the promise that they would tell the country about it just as soon as they found it.
Even though they don't run in federal elections anymore, I think some of their policies could still benefit the country. It should be noted that the Monster Raving Looney Party's policy of pubs staying open 24 hours has recently been enacted by Tony Blair's government, so don't tell me that fringe parties can't have an effect on the system.
With that in mind, here are some old Rhino platform planks to consider for a better Canada today.
1. Repeal the law of gravity. First off, it was never enacted by a democratically elected government. Tres un-Canadian. Second, it's a rights issue. Short people are constantly discriminated against by the NBA and the NAATP (National Association for the Advancement of Tall People). this has got to stop.
2. Provide higher education by building taller schools. face it people, simply increasing budgets to pay existing staff more will never help the education system. We need new ideas here, clearly.
3. Reduce energy costs for transportation by moving Toronto 50km east, and Montreal 50 km west. Nowe there's a policy that will bring Frnech and English Canada closer together.
4. Abolish the environment because it's too hard to keep clean and takes up too much space. Yes, this will put the Green Party out of business, but nobody said sacrifices wouldn't have to be made.
5. Count the Thousand Islands to make sure none of them are missing. Face it, people, sovereignty issues exist beyond Hans Island. Don't think that Russia didn't think that nobody would notice an isalnd or two.
6. Moving the Vatican to St.-Bruno-de-Montarville, Quebec, to promote tourism.
7. Tearing down the Rocky Mountains so that Albertans could see a Pacific sunset.
8. (if 7. is deemed ill-advised), Move the Rockies one metre west as a make-work project. No fish? No problem.
9. Make Canadians stronger by putting steroids in the water. Timmmyyyy? Jimmmyyy?
10. Paint Canada's coastal limits so that Canadian fish know where they are at all times. This could be crucial if the Turbot War heats up again.
For those of you who think the Rhinos never made a difference in the world, consider our war with Belgium. Belgium, you say? War, you say? Well, here's how it started. A Belgian cartoon character once killed a rhinoceros. So, the Rhino Party called for war on Belgium in retaliation. However, in a statesman-like move worthy of Churchill, they offered to call off hostilities if Belgium delivered a case of mussels and a case of Belgian beer to Rhino Party "hindquarters" in Montreal. it should be noted that the Belgian Embassy in Ottawa did, in fact, do just that.
A closer look at today's parties must surely move all Canadians to join the cry:
"Bring back the Rhinos. Please, before it's too late!"
Even though they don't run in federal elections anymore, I think some of their policies could still benefit the country. It should be noted that the Monster Raving Looney Party's policy of pubs staying open 24 hours has recently been enacted by Tony Blair's government, so don't tell me that fringe parties can't have an effect on the system.
With that in mind, here are some old Rhino platform planks to consider for a better Canada today.
1. Repeal the law of gravity. First off, it was never enacted by a democratically elected government. Tres un-Canadian. Second, it's a rights issue. Short people are constantly discriminated against by the NBA and the NAATP (National Association for the Advancement of Tall People). this has got to stop.
2. Provide higher education by building taller schools. face it people, simply increasing budgets to pay existing staff more will never help the education system. We need new ideas here, clearly.
3. Reduce energy costs for transportation by moving Toronto 50km east, and Montreal 50 km west. Nowe there's a policy that will bring Frnech and English Canada closer together.
4. Abolish the environment because it's too hard to keep clean and takes up too much space. Yes, this will put the Green Party out of business, but nobody said sacrifices wouldn't have to be made.
5. Count the Thousand Islands to make sure none of them are missing. Face it, people, sovereignty issues exist beyond Hans Island. Don't think that Russia didn't think that nobody would notice an isalnd or two.
6. Moving the Vatican to St.-Bruno-de-Montarville, Quebec, to promote tourism.
7. Tearing down the Rocky Mountains so that Albertans could see a Pacific sunset.
8. (if 7. is deemed ill-advised), Move the Rockies one metre west as a make-work project. No fish? No problem.
9. Make Canadians stronger by putting steroids in the water. Timmmyyyy? Jimmmyyy?
10. Paint Canada's coastal limits so that Canadian fish know where they are at all times. This could be crucial if the Turbot War heats up again.
For those of you who think the Rhinos never made a difference in the world, consider our war with Belgium. Belgium, you say? War, you say? Well, here's how it started. A Belgian cartoon character once killed a rhinoceros. So, the Rhino Party called for war on Belgium in retaliation. However, in a statesman-like move worthy of Churchill, they offered to call off hostilities if Belgium delivered a case of mussels and a case of Belgian beer to Rhino Party "hindquarters" in Montreal. it should be noted that the Belgian Embassy in Ottawa did, in fact, do just that.
A closer look at today's parties must surely move all Canadians to join the cry:
"Bring back the Rhinos. Please, before it's too late!"
posted by MyMaidMary | 10:30 p.m.
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