Dumb Laws

Yes, we must admit it, there are a lot of dumb laws out there. Here's a sampling from our neighbours beneath us.

Alabama: Dominoes may not be played on Sunday
Alaska: While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking its picture is prohibited.
Arizona: You may not have more than two dildoes in a single house.
Arkansas: Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
California: It is a misdemeanor to shoot any game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Colorado: It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep. (But only in certain counties - you tell me which is the dumb part of that one.)
Connecticut: In order for a pickle to properly be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
(After verifying that it is indeed a pickle, do you still want to eat it?)
Delaware: Getting married on a dare is grounds for an anullment. (But only in the town of Lewes, everywhere else, you're stuck with it.)
Florida: Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
Georgia: Commiting simple battery is allowed if provoked by "fighting words".
Hawaii: Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.
Idaho: You may not fish from a camel's back.
Illinois: It is forbidden to eat in a place that is on fire. (But only in Chicago)
Indiana: Pedestrians crossing a highway at night are forbidden from wearing tail lights.
Indiana: Honourable Mention (repealed law) - The value of Pi is 4, not 3.1415....

These laws exist. And we may ask ourselves why. But we also have to ask ourselves why other laws don't exist.
Why is there no law against fat people wearing spandex in public?
Why is there no law against stupid people fucking each other and making more stupid people?
Why is there no law against Celine Dion?
Why is there no law against conversations that include the phrase "so then I goes ___ and he's all like ____"
Why is there no law against places I like to go going out of business?
Why is there no law against being up at 2:00 writing blog posts that make no sense and add no value to the rich literary heritage of the western world?

It could be worse....

Once again, I have managed to snatch manic depression from the jaws of almost total happiness. One person in particular has annoyed me of late. As it happens, the people who often annoy you the most are people that really shouldn't annoy you at all. But that's life. I was just surprised and dissapointed by what this person would do for nothing more than money. It makes the things I did for them just seem terribly, terribly sad...

But I have a place to live, beer in the fridge, and a rabbit hopping around being terribly, terribly cute, so it could be worse. I have found in life that the best way to feel less depressed is to find someone more bitter than you are. It works damn near every time. Today's helper monkey is Gordon Gano. And, specifically, his band - The Violent Femmes.

Violent is self-explanatory, I would think. Femme is Milwaukee slang for wimp. And you gotta love a drummer who is credited on an album for playing tortoise. Nirvana once was the opening act for a Violent Femmes show in Australia. Cobain refused to go onstage until someone got him some drugs. The tour manager gave Cobain some "powerful narcotics" - Tylenol. Kurt apparently felt "much better" when he took the stage...

Some Violent lyrical gems....
"I'm nothing now and I'll be nothing when this nothing world has it's nothing end"
"Will I lose my mind in the winter-time, it's spring and I'm a spring ding-a-ling, It's summer and I'm just a little dumber, and I'm not taking a fall, cause if I ain't got you I got nothing at all."
"Why can't I get just one ____" (I'm sure you all know what goes in the blank...)

Yes, listen to the Violent Femmes for a couple hours, and everything seems so much better.

Canada Day

So it is Canada Day. Usually a time of national celebration. This time around, though, I am filled with trepidation.

First of all, it's hot. Africa hot. Or at least as close to that as you get in southern Ontario. Canada Day brings fireworks. Fireworks create more heat, and thus, more smog. Albeit, minute, almost immeasurable amounts. But still....

More troubling is the week-end situation. Canada Day is a Friday. So, three-day week-end. Last week-end was a two-day week-end. If this trend continues, what the hell's going to happen? We'll have more days off in a year than France.

Bet Quebec would be celebrating Canada Day then!